Why the Bond with a Borderline Person is Stronger Than with a Non-Borderline

Many individuals wonder why a bond with a borderline personality disorder (BPD) individual can be so much stronger, even when a non-BPD person gives much stronger love and more attention. This article delves into the factors contributing to these dynamics and explains why relationships with BPD individuals can be more complex and emotionally volatile.

Understanding BPD and Relationship Dynamics

The first reason often lies in the emotional regulation and emotional capacity of the individual. People with high emotional regulation tend to have an innate ability to empathize and provide support, which can make them less vulnerable to the manipulative tactics often employed by BPD individuals (Stick and Stones Don’t Hurt You). However, the very nature of emotional regulation can lead to a sense of vulnerability and low self-esteem in BPD individuals, making them more adept at probing emotional weaknesses and exploiting them.

The Trauma Bond: The Captor-Prisoner Syndrome

A BPD individual frequently creates a trauma bond, where they hold the power, much like a captor and prisoner relationship. This bond is extremely difficult to break due to the constant emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and guilt-tripping tactics. Unless there is intervention or the BPD individual receives professional therapy, attempting to break free can be incredibly painful and lead to increased emotional turmoil.

Codependence and Emotional Addiction

The majority of BPD relationships involve codependent individuals, individuals with love deficits, people with “dead mother” syndrome, narcissists with high emotional needs, and those with a lack of self-love. These individuals become emotionally addicted to the roller coaster of emotions, ranging from extreme love and idealization to intense drama and breakups. For them, the relationship with a BPD individual is like taking a drug; the emotional highs are highly addictive, and halting can cause severe withdrawal symptoms.

Comparing the Bonds

Comparing the bond with a BPD individual to a non-BPD individual is like comparing cocaine to water. One is filled with intense, unpredictable emotional highs and lows, while the other offers a stable and predictable emotional environment, even if it’s less exciting. Interestingly, this bond can also be likened to addiction. Just as drug addiction can lead to severe health problems or even death, staying with an untreated BPD individual can also have long-term negative impacts on mental health and overall wellbeing.

Healing and Support

While not all BPD individuals are beyond repair, recovery is a long and arduous process. Therapy can help, but it requires dedication, perseverance, and a willingness to change. It’s essential to remember that while BPD individuals can be challenging partners, their actions are not a reflection of their true selves. They deserve compassion, understanding, and support. If you are in a relationship with a BPD individual, it’s crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being and seek professional help if needed.

Personal Reflections

Personal reflections from someone who has been through a BPD relationship highlight the complexity of such bonds. While there may have been moments of love and care, the trauma and pain are more profound. Such experiences can lead to growth, but the journey is often fraught with emotional turmoil and struggle.

For those experiencing or contemplating a BPD relationship, it’s important to prioritize self-care, seek support, and consider therapy. The goal is not to label or judge, but to understand the complexities and challenges involved in these relationships, encouraging a path towards healing and healthier interactions. If you’re a BPD individual reading this, know that you’re not alone, and seek the help you need to lead a more peaceful and fulfilling life.