Understanding the Dynamics of a Narcissistic Family

The relationship within a family where a parent exhibits narcissistic traits can be profoundly complex and emotionally challenging. A common issue that arises is the differentiation between the golden child and the scapegoat. This article aims to explore why a narcissistic parent may show empathy towards their golden child yet evince a lack of empathy towards their scapegoat.

The Roles of Golden Child and Scapegoat

In a family where a parent is narcissistic, one child may be favored as the golden child, while another may be cast as the scapegoat. Here's how these roles can manifest:

1. Idealization vs. Devaluation

The golden child is often the recipient of excessive praise and attention. They are idealized by the narcissistic parent, who views them as an extension of themselves. Consequently, the golden child is likely to receive empathy and support from the parent because they fulfill the parent's desires for validation and admiration. On the other hand, the scapegoat may be criticized and devalued. This child's role is to reflect the parent's shortcomings, which can provoke anger and resentment rather than empathy.

2. Fulfillment of Narcissistic Needs

The golden child's role in satisfying the parent's narcissistic needs can foster an empathetic response. The parent feels a sense of control and dependency when the golden child is successful or recognized for their achievements. Conversely, when the scapegoat is labeled with shortcomings, it often feels like a personal attack, leading to a dearth of empathy from the parent.

3. Family Dynamics and Role Reinforcement

Family roles are often perpetuated through behavior. The mother may unconsciously prioritize the needs of the golden child, ignoring the skills and strengths of the scapegoat. This reinforcement of roles can make it difficult for the scapegoat to break free from the detrimental patterns established in the family.

4. Fear of Losing Control

The golden child often provides a sense of control and dependency for the narcissistic parent. By showing empathy and fostering a strong bond with the golden child, the parent maintains a comfortable and stable dynamic. The scapegoat, however, may be viewed as a threat to this parent's self-image and control, leading to a lack of empathy.

5. Cognitive Dissonance

Narcissists can struggle to validate the emotions of others, especially if those emotions challenge their self-perception. This cognitive dissonance can result in a lack of empathy towards the scapegoat, who may express feelings that do not align with the parent's beliefs or narrative.

6. Comparison and Competition

The mother may promote a sense of rivalry between siblings, encouraging competition and emphasizing differences. This can lead to the scapegoat feeling isolated and uncared for, while the golden child is supported and empathized with. This competition further entrenches the roles within the family and can exacerbate the emotional turmoil for both children.

Consequences and Coping Mechanisms

Understanding these family dynamics can be a painful process, but recognizing them is a critical step towards healing and building a sense of self-worth independent of your mother's perceptions. If these feelings become overwhelming, seeking support from a mental health professional familiar with family dynamics and narcissism can be beneficial.

Keywords: narcissistic parent, golden child, scapegoat, family dynamics, empathy