Which Message Takes Precedence: Verbal or Non-Verbal?

It's a common observation that when verbal and non-verbal messages contradict each other, our instincts often gravitate towards the non-verbal. This piece delves into the nuances of this phenomenon, exploring why we might trust the non-verbal over the verbal, and vice versa. We'll also examine the role of emotional honesty and the ways in which practitioners attempted to manipulate these signals.

Understanding Verbal vs. Non-Verbal Credibility

When someone communicates, they often share multiple layers of information—verbal and non-verbal. Non-verbal cues include facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice, while verbal communication is the words they speak. In some cases, these two messages align perfectly, reinforcing each other. However, when they contradict, the choice of which to believe can have significant implications.

Psychological vs. Emotional Interpretation

Most individuals tend to rely on the logical and rational assessment of words. They analyze the content, meaning, and context to draw conclusions. On the other hand, children and many mediums often use non-verbal cues as they navigate the emotional landscape of communication. These cues are often more authentic and imbued with raw emotion.

The Case for the Verbal Message

I would generally trust the verbal message more. The non-verbal message might not carry the same level of informational content. Some non-verbal expressions, like gestures, can be meaningless unless interpreted within the right context. Occasionally, the very act of trying to convey something non-verbally can create suspicion, as seen in the case of shonky (dishonest or unreliable) religious preachers who overcompensate. Their efforts to project an image of sincerity often result in a loss of credibility.

Biased Towards the Non-Verbal

There are instances where the non-verbal message is more trustworthy than the verbal. For example, when trying to discern the truth during a conversation, we often pay close attention to non-verbal cues, such as body language and tone. Children learn from an early age to recognize these signs—body language often reveals more than the words someone says. Even practiced liars can give away their deceit with a tell, a subtle but recognisable sign that reveals the lie. However, some people are better at hiding their true intentions, making it more challenging to judge their sincerity.

Coinciding Incongruities

When both verbal and non-verbal messages are incongruent, it's natural to give more weight to the non-verbal. This happens because non-verbal communication often runs deeper, reflecting the emotional state of the speaker. However, there are times when the non-verbal message might be the more transparent. For instance, someone might say what they think you want to hear, just to silence you. Yet, their demeanor, such as a lack of eye contact, their insincerity, and their eagerness to leave, can reveal that the statement was merely a facade.

Conclusion

Ultimately, whether to believe the verbal or non-verbal message depends on the context and the individual's inclination towards emotional honesty. While the rational mind often leans towards the words spoken, the gut reaction is frequently guided by the non-verbal signals. Understanding both forms of communication is crucial for effectively interpreting the messages we receive. Whether you choose to trust the verbal or non-verbal, being aware of the underlying emotions and intentions can make all the difference.