Understanding the Struggle of Manic Episodes in Bipolar Disorder

Everyone has unique experiences and stories to share, especially those living with mental health conditions. This article delves into the often-confusing and contradictory nature of bipolar disorder, with a particular focus on the manic episodes and the behaviors that come with them. The author shares their personal journey, shedding light on the complexities of these episodes and the reasons behind seemingly contradictory actions.

Manic Episodes and Self-Worth

Bipolar disorder is a complex mental health condition that manifests differently in everyone who lives with it. Generalizations can be misleading, and it's important to understand that each individual's experience is unique. In the context of mania, the author reflects on their own experience, explaining why they might have displayed behaviors that seemed to contradict their true nature.

Navigating an Inflated Ego

When in a manic phase, the author describes experiencing an inflated ego. Their self-esteem reaches a high that is not grounded in reality. They felt extraordinarily intelligent and believed they were the best authority on any subject they discussed. This inflated confidence led to interrupting others, reacting negatively, and even showing arrogance.

The Underlying Struggle

Underneath this grandiosity lies a deeper struggle. The author explains that during their manic episodes, they felt like they were fighting against the reality of losing their mind and battling self-loathing. They were also battling the denigration and abuse they had experienced in their childhood, particularly in a Christian home and church environment. The manic state provided a temporary escape from these negative experiences, but it was ultimately unsustainable.

Chaotic Normality

Mania can present in various forms, and the author has only experienced brief hypomanic episodes. However, in these phases, the desire to show off was driven by a deep-seated need to feel good. It wasn't about proclaiming one's superiority, but rather about showcasing a different side of themselves. The author explains the joy of connecting with people, sharing stories, and understanding others. This amplified their naturally extroverted side, which they had kept hidden due to insecurities.

While the manic phase can feel overwhelmingly positive, the subsequent “come down” is often filled with intense guilt and sadness. The author shares their experience of realizing how inappropriate and out of line they were in hindsight. This guilt and the associated negative emotions can be highly impactful, as seen in the author's enduring feelings of remorse.

It's important to remember that manic episodes can amplify both the positive and negative aspects of a person's personality. The author notes that during these episodes, people may feel powerful, confident, and amazing, but they can also become considerably ashy;ssholes without meaning to. The guilt and negative emotions that follow can be overwhelming, and this is a common experience for those with bipolar disorder.

Manic episodes in bipolar disorder are complex and multifaceted. The behaviors and actions during these phases can be difficult to understand for both the person experiencing them and those around them. However, understanding the underlying struggles and emotions can help in providing support and empathy. If you or someone you know is experiencing manic episodes, it's important to seek professional help and support.