Understanding the Dynamics of a Relationship Between Two Narcissists

When two narcissists are attracted to each other, the relationship can be an unhealthy one filled with manipulation, jealousy, and power struggles. This article explores the dynamics at play, the roles each partner might play, and how to navigate such a relationship.

The Nature of Narcissism

Narcissists are individuals who prioritize their own needs and desires above all else, often lacking empathy and a genuine concern for others. Their behavior is characterized by manipulative tactics, gaslighting, and a tendency to seek control over their partners. They find it challenging to engage in healthy relationships due to their self-centeredness and the fear of vulnerability.

Dynamics in a Narcissistic Relationship

When two narcissists are in a relationship, the dynamics can become even more complex. They both seek control and superiority, leading to frequent arguments and power struggles. The relationship can be described as a cycle of love-bombing followed by devaluation. This cycle can last for years, with both partners being envious and jealous of others. One might blame the other, engage in smear campaigns, and isolate the partner from family and friends.

Narcissists are shame-based individuals, projecting their own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy onto their partners. They often manipulate their partners to gain an upper hand, leading to a lack of mutual trust and respect.

The Roles in a Narcissistic Pair

In such relationships, one narcissist is often less manipulative, sneaky, and sadistic, and can fall into a role similar to that of a borderline or codependent partner. The less controlling individual may end up assuming the role of the weaker narcissist, while the more dominant one takes control over all aspects of their life. This can result in a highly unbalanced and controlled relationship where the dominant partner makes all the decisions, spends resources freely, and isolates the partner from others.

When one narcissist is more dominant, they may behave in ways that are typical of all narcissists—asserting their dominance, controlling their life, and spending the bulk of the money. This leaves the weaker partner in an emerald green role, with the domestic chores and no love or care in return. This arrangement can be extremely monotonous and draining, with the weaker partner watching TV and not having a life outside of the relationship.

Consequences and Advice

The weaker partner often reaps what they have sown by failing to control the dominant one, even if they tried. This relationship can be incredibly harmful and draining. While it might be tempting to feel sympathetic towards the weaker partner, one must remember that they chose to be in this type of relationship and that their behavior fueled the dynamic.

Understanding narcissism and its dynamics is crucial for anyone in a relationship with a narcissist or considering a relationship with one. Reading books and articles written by survivors can provide insights into the red flags and warning signs to look out for. A recommended book is “Is There A Narcissist In Your Life” by Amanda Clymont. This book covers the basics of narcissism, the signs, and the manipulation tactics employed by narcissists, offering a clear understanding of why one should avoid such relationships.

For those in such relationships, it is essential to recognize the signs of manipulation and take steps to protect oneself. Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals can provide the necessary guidance to navigate these challenging dynamics.