The Etiquette of Doors: Gender, Compliments, and Manners

Whether a man opens a door for a woman or vice versa, the act often elicits mixed reactions. Some view it as a compliment, while others see it as an outdated gender norm. In this article, we explore the nuances of this seemingly simple gesture, analyzing its implications from various perspectives.

Is It a Compliment or Sexism?

For many women, having a door held open is not just a courtesy but also a display of respect and chivalry. As one senior woman noted, ‘I love it when a guy holds the door for me!!! It always makes me feel amazing!!!’ These positive feelings stem from a sense of admiration for the person's gentlemanly behavior, attributing it to personal character. Moreover, the act can be seen as a reflection of their upbringing and the social norms they were raised with. As another senior woman noted, ‘I was brought up to be polite and that includes opening a door for a woman. But I would also allow a man who I was talking to go first while I held the door. It simply is a normal pleasant natural and polite thing to do.’

Gender and Manners: A Two-Way Street

While many women appreciate doors being held for them, it's essential to recognize that the gesture should be reciprocal. Holding doors open is not limited to just men; women can and should hold doors for men as well. As one commenter pointed out, 'I have been holding doors for the better part of 1/2 a century, and I don’t need some testosterone-ridden jerk thinking I’m some helpless little flower. I do it for others too, including my boyfriend.' This mutual respect promotes a more balanced and courteous society where everyone learns to be considerate.

Context Matters: A Nuanced Perspective

Comprehending the nuances of opening doors requires context. It's not merely about gender; it's about kindness, consideration, and politeness. As one respondent stated, 'It’s highly contextual. I don't really view it as either a compliment or as sexism though. Rather I typically view it as either considerate or "sweet but misguided."'

Considerate

When a man holds the door open for a group, allowing everyone to enter. When a person holds the door open for someone with their hands full, making it easier for them to enter.

Sweet but Misguided

A man who goes out of his way to hold the door open for someone only a few feet away, waiting awkwardly for them to approach. A man who insists on holding the door open even when the woman is in a better position to do so, creating unnecessary inconvenience.

Encouraging a Thoughtful Approach

Ultimately, the act of holding doors open should be about being thoughtful and kind, rather than just a gendered expectation. As one woman stated, 'Hold the door open because you’re a nice person. Don’t make it awkward for me and don’t make it inconvenient for me or it defeats the purpose.' This encourages a more thoughtful approach to social etiquette, one where the primary consideration is the comfort and convenience of the person receiving the gesture.

To summarize, the act of holding doors open is a multifaceted social convention that reflects both gender norms and individual character. By understanding the context and encouraging a mutual, respectful approach, we can foster a more courteous society where everyone is treated with kindness and respect.