Sensitive Questions to Avoid When Talking to Military Veterans

Military veterans often encounter questions that can be insensitive or uninformed. These inquiries can trigger painful memories, emotions, and reactions that can be distressing to the interviewer and the veteran alike. Here are some examples of questions that many veterans might find frustrating or hurtful.

Common Questions and Their Effects

Personal and Traumatic

Did you kill anyone? This question is highly personal and can be troubling for veterans who have experienced combat, reducing their service to a single, often painful aspect. What was the worst thing you saw? Similar to the first, this question can force veterans to relive traumatic experiences. It can have a significant emotional impact on the veteran, potentially triggering flashbacks or PTS (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) symptoms. Why didn’t you just avoid the war? This question can imply a lack of choice, which most veterans don’t have. It can make veterans feel like they are being judged, forgotten, or not treated with respect for their decisions.

Pressuring and Compromising

Are you going to reenlist? For those who have decided to leave military life behind, this question can be particularly frustrating. It implies expectations that may not align with their current life goals. What branch is the best? This question can lead to unnecessary rivalries and trivialize the experiences of those from different branches. It can be seen as demeaning or dismissive of the unique challenges and contributions of each branch.

Dismissive and Hurtful

Did you get to go to cool places? This question can be dismissive of the challenging or dangerous locations where many veterans have served. It can also minimize the physical and emotional toll of service. Why can’t you just get over it? This can be particularly hurtful to those dealing with conditions such as PTSD or other service-related issues. It can imply a lack of understanding of the long-term impact of traumatic experiences. Do you miss the military? This can be a loaded question. While some veterans may miss the camaraderie and structure, others are glad to be out and might be opposed to returning to the materialistic and highly regimented environment. How can you support the government after what you went through? This question can put veterans in a difficult position. It can be challenging to reconcile their feelings about their service with the political context they observe from outside the military. What’s the most fun you had while deployed? This can be insensitive as deployment is often stressful and dangerous, rather than enjoyable. It can minimize the harrowing challenges and risks veterans face on a daily basis.

Why Not Ask These Questions?

When talking to veterans, it's often best to ask open-ended questions that allow them to share their experiences at their own pace. By focusing on their perceptions, feelings, and overall experience, you can avoid sensitivities and provide a more respectful environment for dialogue.

Ask about their experience: What kind of training did you undergo? Seek their perspective: How did your time in the military change you? Encourage sharing: Are there any aspects of your service you would like to highlight?

By showing genuine interest and respect, you can facilitate a meaningful conversation that honors their service and respects their individual experiences.