Regret in Arranged Marriages: A Real Boy's Story

When arranged marriages are suggested, dreams of love and compatibility often fill the hearts of those involved. However, like any relationship, they have their challenges, and sometimes these challenges can lead to deep regret and distress. This is the story of one individual who found himself in such a scenario.

Meeting and Engagement

It was at a regular community gathering that I first met Girl. She seemed to be a warm and caring individual, and my parents felt it would be a good match. After some preliminary introductions, they suggested an arranged marriage. Initially, I was delighted. I thought I had found my dream woman, and the engagement was a joyous occasion. We dated for a few months, and she appeared to be everything I had ever hoped for in a partner. Open, loving, and caring, she was certainly down to earth, adding to my happiness exponentially.

The Reality of Marriage

But life quickly took an unexpected turn. Immediately after the marriage, things began to change drastically. Her demands didn’t come as a surprise, but the intensity and manner in which they were imposed were. Her first command was to credit my entire salary to her account and to provide all financial details of my family. Keeping these details from me was seen as a sign of financial subjugation and lack of trust.

Secondly, her interaction with my parents was minimized to a bare minimum, and they were restricted from visiting our home. This isolation further exacerbated the feeling of being trapped in a relationship without any support or connection.

Thirdly, she demanded that I always be available for her calls, even during meetings. This requirement stemmed from a need for constant attention and validation, leading to significant stress and strain on my professional life.

Escalating Temperament and Control

Things took a darker turn as her demeanor changed. At times, it crossed the line and became aggressive and even bordering on violent. These episodes of anger and violence made me feel not just controlled, but truly unsafe within my own home. When I refused to comply with her demands, particularly those related to finances, she threatened me with dire consequences. She would threaten to harm herself or report me for domestic violence, causing immense mental distress.

Seeking Help and Realization

Confronting these issues on my own became increasingly difficult, so I decided to seek professional guidance. A marriage counselor helped me realize that my wife was highly controlling, aggressive, and potentially narcissistic. This realization marked a significant turning point in my understanding of the situation.

As her demands and behavior continued to deteriorate, I started to distance myself from her and became increasingly morose. Eventually, I concluded that living under the shadow of fear and control was not worth it. The decision to divorce was made, and it is a battle I continue to fight.

Years have passed since then, and I continue to pursue a mutual consent divorce while also dealing with domestic violence and harassment cases initiated by my ex-wife. Sad as it may be, the journey has made me more resilient and stronger. Today, I share my story to help others avoid similar pitfalls and seek help when needed.

A Guide to Saving Your Relationship

While every relationship is unique, there are steps you can take to save a marriage:

Communicate openly and honestly: Addressing issues head-on can help prevent them from escalating into bigger problems. Regular conversations can ensure both parties understand and respect each other's needs. Seek couple therapy: Sometimes outside help can provide a fresh perspective and guidelines to improve communication and resolve conflicts. Build a support network: Having friends and family who understand and can offer guidance and comfort during tough times can make a significant difference. Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself is crucial. Ensuring you have hobbies, interests, and personal time helps maintain your emotional well-being.

Arranged marriages are not meant to be a prison. If you are in a similar situation, consider the signs of a controlling or abusive environment and take necessary steps to ensure your well-being.