Reframing My Past: Lessons Learned from Tough Experiences

Looking back, there are several things from my childhood and teenage years that I would never want to do again. These experiences, though challenging, have shaped who I am today and taught me invaluable lessons about resilience, self-worth, and personal growth.

Taking My Dad's Phone Without Asking

One of the things I did as a kid that I wouldn't repeat is taking my dad's phone without permission. In my younger years, I frequently did this but now, I understand the importance of asking for consent and respecting others' belongings. It is crucial to cultivate mutual respect and trust in any relationship, including those with family members.

Carrying Water During Drought Seasons

Another challenging experience from my youth was carrying water during drought seasons. The physical effort was exhausting, and the weight of the vessels often made my hands numb. While these memories are painful, they have taught me the value of perseverance and the importance of taking care of one's physical well-being.

Long-Distance Driving

My previous love for long-distance driving has dissipated as I have grown and gained a deeper understanding of the toll it takes on my mental and physical health. The many trips across deserts and borders, along with the countless drives to Saudi Arabia, Dubai, Amman, and within Saudi Arabia, filled with 600-700 mile trips, were demanding on both myself and my car. It is now evident to me that prioritizing my self-care and well-being is essential. I would not want to return to this aspect of my past, and I now appreciate more quiet and peaceful moments.

Exhibiting Self-Harm and Low Self-Esteem

During my teenage years, I struggled with feelings of unworthiness and self-harm. My father's words, combined with emotional neglect, fueled self-hatred and a negative self-image. To cope with these feelings, I resorted to unhealthy habits such as skipping meals and cutting myself. At the age of 17-18, these harmful behaviors became a form of release, though ultimately numbing and detrimental to my mental health.

A pivotal moment in my life was when I met my nursing friends. They helped me realize that crying and expressing emotions are not signs of weakness, but signs of strength. They also encouraged me to focus on gratitude and self-care. This changed my perspective on self-worth and taught me to value my emotions and physical well-being. Starting a gratitude journal and engaging in activities like jogging and hiking were additional steps towards regaining control over my life.

As for my father, I still struggle with forgiveness, understanding that the passage of time and my own growth have allowed me to see him through a different lens. I now believe that the bond we share can be built on mutual understanding and love, not just traditional paternal care.

Lessons and Reflections

Reflecting on these experiences, I realize that they have made me stronger. By being kinder to myself, eating nutritious food, and believing in my own self-worth, I have found a more balanced and fulfilling path. I am grateful for the friends who helped me during my darkest times and for the resilience that has guided me through these challenges. Remembering that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger can help us navigate life's struggles and emerge as better versions of ourselves.

Whether you're dealing with similar experiences or simply navigating life's challenges, it's essential to find support and resources to help you grow and heal. The journey toward self-awareness and self-improvement is ongoing, and with patience, positivity, and determination, we can overcome obstacles and build a happier, healthier life.