Reflections on Arranged Marriages: A Thirty-Something Woman's Perspective

It is often argued that arranged marriages are a relic of the past, a practice that binds partners through prearranged unions without regard for personal compatibility. Yet, in the digital age of dating apps and online compatibility tests, the concept of arranged marriages persists. This essay explores a 28-year-old woman's experience navigating an arranged marriage, examining the pressures and challenges faced by those who enter such unions.

The Dilemma of Prearranged Unions

The notion of categorizing all arranged marriages as regrettable is overly simplistic and not entirely accurate. Love marriages, too, come with their own set of challenges and potential regrets. The idea that spending two to three years understanding a partner through constant dating and intimate interactions will prevent future divorces is flawed.

People change, and so do their feelings. Just as a person can evolve positively, they can also regress. The disillusionment faced by a woman in this essay—a frequent occurrence in arranged marriages—illustrates that such relationships can lead to significant misgivings and regrets.

A Personal Story

The story begins when a 28-year-old woman is set to be married in just a month. Her parents have been searching for a suitable match for her over four years. The match is finalized in March, and she is introduced to a man with whom she only had a single formal conversation. Despite the whirlwind of engagements that follow, the woman quickly realizes that she is neither attracted to, nor compatible with, the man. Her feelings of boredom and disinterest lead to a growing sense of unease.

The woman's attempts to terminate the engagement are thwarted by her parents, who believe that the man has a good job and a respectable family. Misled by these superficial criteria, she agrees to continue the arrangement under immense emotional and societal pressure. However, as the period passes, her initial reservations only grow stronger. The realization that she has spent an entire month with someone she does not feel comfortable with is a significant blow. The daily textual conversations and growing expectations further exacerbate the situation, leaving her in a state of emotional turmoil.

The Impact of Arranged Marriages

Ultimately, the woman confides her feelings to the man, hoping for a better understanding. In response, he encourages her to persevere, suggesting that living together will reveal more about one another. His sentiment reflects a common attitude towards arranged marriages—patience and adjustment are presumed to bring couples closer together.

Nonetheless, the woman feels that such a union is impossible for her. She is willing to respect her partner's maturity, but the emotional pressure is too great. She feels that forcing herself to love someone she doesn't love is unreasonable. The purpose of the union is not to bring happiness, but to preserve her family's societal image, a deeply unsettling thought for her.

The Tragedy of Arranged Marriages

This tragic narrative serves as a stark reminder of the drawbacks of arranged marriages. The woman's experience illustrates the fundamental issue: people change, and these changes can make prearranged unions unsuitable. The woman's story is not unique; it highlights the frustration and disappointment that can arise when compatibility is not the driving force behind a marriage.

In conclusion, the woman's reflections on arranged marriages shed light on the complexities and challenges of such unions. While arranged marriages can bring together compatible partners, they can also perpetuate regrets and disappointment. The value of personal choice and compatibility cannot be underestimated, and the societal pressures of arranged marriages must be critically examined.