Navigating the Complexity of Authenticity: How Mental Illness Shapes Who We Are

As someone who has grappled with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) for years, I have developed a deep understanding of the challenges that come with trying to be oneself. While my mental illness does not wholly block me from being myself, it does significantly hinder my ability to develop a stable sense of self. In this article, we will explore the intricacies of authenticity and mental health, drawing from personal experiences and the broader context of modern society.

Breaking Through with BPD

While I would not say that mental illness completely blocks me from being myself, it certainly hinders my ability to develop a stable sense of self. Over time, I have dedicated a significant amount of time and effort into managing my BPD and continuously applying the knowledge I have gained. As a result, I feel more like myself now than I ever have before. It has been a long journey, and while I still struggle with a lack of a coherent sense of self, I have come to accept myself and forgive my past selves, acknowledging the traumas and experiences that have shaped me.

Rebuilding myself is a daily process. Everyday, something I used to be continues to fall away, and sometimes, finding the right thing to take its place takes time. However, I have faith in the process and I accept who I am now, flaws and all. Being yourself is incredibly difficult, especially when years of trauma and dissociation have clouded your sense of identity. But the idea of being someone else, living up to someone else’s expectations, is not something I am willing to do again.

Complexities of Authenticity

The more I delve into understanding what it means to be myself, the more I realize that being authentically true to oneself is far more complex than I ever imagined. While mental illness is not the direct cause of not being true to oneself, it is often a byproduct of the very process of not being true to one’s authentic self.

Our modern society and culture often fail to support authenticity and self-love. Instead, they frequently denigrate and discourage individuals from prioritizing their own well-being. Living authentically in a world that demands compliance and conformity is an uphill battle. It requires immense courage and resilience to be true to oneself and to navigate the judgments and expectations of others.

Mental Illness and Identity

For me, my mental problems play a significant role in shaping my identity. They are not something I can simply change or eliminate. Mental illness has a direct influence on how I act, think, and consequently, who I am. In the past, I spent a lot of time wishing I did not have these problems so I could be more like other people. While to some degree, I still wish that, I now accept who I am, knowing that I would choose to be different. At the same time, there are aspects of my mental health that I have come to appreciate as well. For instance, while I may be slow to catch on or learn, once things click, I become one of the best at whatever it is. I possess a creativity that surpasses the average person. I never give up, no matter the cost, and would go to great lengths to succeed at any task.

However, these qualities, both good and bad, come with a significant amount of suffering. I live with depression, bad thoughts, maniacal periods, loneliness, agitation, and more. Without these qualities, whether good or bad, I would not be who I am. I am deeply grateful for the struggles that have made me who I am today.

A Invitation to Embrace Authenticity

Understanding and accepting our mental illnesses may be one of the first steps toward embracing our authentic selves. It is important to recognize that while mental illness can make it challenging to be who we truly are, it is also an integral part of who we are. Embracing our authentic selves means acknowledging both our strengths and our vulnerabilities. It is about finding a balance between self-acceptance and personal growth.

If you are struggling with your mental health and are feeling lost or disconnected from who you are, remember that you are not alone. Many individuals face similar challenges, and with the right support and mindset, it is possible to navigate these complexities and emerge stronger. By embracing authenticity and self-love, we can create a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Embrace your journey, accept your struggles, and celebrate the journey of becoming the unique individual you are meant to be. Being true to yourself is not easy, but it is worth it.