Understanding Compatibility in Arranged Marriages

Arranged marriages, a traditional practice in many cultures, involve a unique approach to assessing compatibility. Unlike modern love marriages, where couples get to know each other through dating and casual interactions, arranged marriages rely on a single meeting where core values, life goals, family expectations, and common interests are discussed. This initial meeting sets the stage for a potentially lifelong partnership, and both parties must assess whether their philosophies and goals align sufficiently. Trusting one's intuition and seeking the advice of trusted family members are also critical in making a swift decision.

My Brother's Experience: A Stereotypical Assumption Dispelled

My eldest brother's arranged marriage of 1958 serves as a classic example of an arranged marriage. Despite his busy schedule at the family shop, my father facilitated a match with a girl from a similar background. The girl assisted in her parents' shop and shared the same dialect. My brother never expected to marry this girl, as everything was arranged beforehand. However, they went on to have a successful 50-year marriage, producing six children.

The Chemistry Between Partners

Chemistry, often described as a basic compatibility factor, plays a role in arranged marriages just as in love marriages. My son's arranged marriage presented some initial differences, which my husband and I helped iron out through pre-marriage dating and understanding. We encouraged open communication and mutual respect to pave the way for a lasting relationship. Even after marriage, occasional hiccups occurred, but these were addressed with respect and consideration for each other's backgrounds and needs.

Addressing Differences and Maintaining Harmony

While some differences are inevitable, it is crucial to allow partners the space to grow and adapt. We, as parents, stepped back and intervened only when necessary, ensuring both parties understand each other's perspectives. Once the foundation was laid with mutual respect and understanding, it was easier to resolve issues as they arose. Our son and his wife eventually found a balance and became a harmonious couple, and their acceptance into our family is evident in the warmth and love they share.

The Long-Term Success of an Arranged Marriage

The success of an arranged marriage often depends on how well the partners can navigate the challenges and adapt to each other's backgrounds. In my son's case, his wife did not feel she was an outsider, as she was treated as part of the family. This environment has contributed to a happy and successful marriage. Additionally, both families have grown to appreciate each other, which is a testament to the benefits of a well-executed arranged marriage.

Ultimately, an arranged marriage thrives on trust, patience, and a willingness to understand and respect each other's differences. It is a journey of understanding, acceptance, and mutual growth, much like any other marriage. The key is in the early stages of the relationship, ensuring that both partners have a solid foundation for their future together.