Navigating Professional Etiquette: When a Coworker Shows Unusually Kindness

Do you think your coworker is just being nice every time he comes to work early just to hold the front doors open for you? There is no way to know for certain based solely on this question. However, it’s important to consider the possibility that showing kindness should be encouraged in the workplace.

If this behavior is frequent, there might be a reason behind it. How do you feel about him doing this just for you? It might be a simple act of kindness, but it could also indicative of more underlying motives.

Management 101: Dealing with Workplace Norms

This scenario is written by a woman named Lisa, and her coworker, 'Jim', comes to work early to hold the doors open. This raises a few important questions. Is this act driven by genuine kindness or hidden motives? And is it bothering Lisa to the extent that it needs to be addressed?

Opening a door 3 minutes early might be just being nice, but holding the door open for 20 minutes on freezing cold mornings might be a sign of something else. Jim's behavior could go beyond simple kindness and evolve into unwelcome attention or harassment.

Types of Unwelcome Behavior

If Jim’s actions extend beyond simply holding the door open, numerous scenarios could arise. Here are a few examples:

He might follow you all the way to your desk or the coffee room. He might engage in unwelcome conversation, asking numerous personal questions on your way to the break room.

Discussing these experiences can help in determining whether the behavior is truly unsettling or if it’s a simple case of misunderstanding.

Addressing Unwelcome Behavior

The first step in addressing this behavior is to speak to Jim directly and politely. It might be helpful to explain your discomfort without accusing him. For instance:

"Jim, I appreciate you holding the door for me, but I would prefer you not follow me to my desk. This is especially important given that I work in shipping and my workspace is on the opposite side of the building."

Or in a more immediate setting:

"Jim, I really would rather make my own coffee after I organize my desk. Thanks for racing into the break room right from the door, but I need to stop you from doing that."

If direct conversation does not resolve the issue, the next step would be to involve your supervisor or HR. It's crucial to state clearly what you want to stop and to be courteous while being direct about your boundaries. Threatening to go to HR should be the last resort and is only necessary if the company as a whole is unresponsive to your concerns.

Escalating the Issue

If the behavior continues and makes you feel uncomfortable, it's important to take the necessary steps. If there's a sense of danger, you can go directly to HR or your supervisor. It's always best to try to address issues with the person directly whenever possible, but if that doesn’t work, it's crucial to take the appropriate next steps.

However, it's not always necessary to go to the company. Such steps should be considered only as a last resort, especially if you're certain the company won't take your concerns seriously, such as if the person is a high-ranking executive's child.

Dealing with workplace kindness that turns into harassment is a delicate issue. Approach it with care, and remember that professional etiquette should be maintained at all times.