Navigating Life as a Bigender Individual: A Personal Journey

Life as a bigender person can be a complex and challenging journey. This journey includes not only the internal struggle of coming to terms with one's identity but also the external challenges of navigating relationships and societal expectations. Here, I share my experiences as a bigender male and female, describing how my identity has evolved and affected my daily life.

Coming to Terms with My Identity

Recently, I have come out as bigender male and female. I experience both genders simultaneously at different times. This realization has brought a mix of comfort and discomfort. I feel very comfortable with my female anatomy but am uncomfortable with the lack of my male anatomy. I am open to any pronouns and understand that adjusting to my newfound identity will take time for those around me.

Though I have faced uncertainty and doubt at times, reminding myself that it is who I am has helped me to embrace this part of my identity. I am aware that not everyone will accept me, but that does not diminish the importance of living life to the fullest as my true self.

The Everyday Struggles

Life as a bigender person is not entirely different from the life of a nonbinary individual like myself. Those who accept me continue to do so, while those who do not, remain the same. However, there are moments when I find myself thinking about my identities, sometimes getting a bit excited at the thought of being nonbinary, though it is not all that different from what I had imagined.

One of the biggest challenges is when I need to fill out forms that require a gender selection. I find this process to be quite tedious and often requires careful consideration.

Support and Challenges

I am fortunate to have a supportive family who understand and support my transition. They provide me with a safe place to return to and will take care of me after I get top surgery. However, I face some challenges when it comes to switching pronouns. While they have made efforts to use the correct pronouns, they sometimes default to 'she', which can be a source of discomfort on 'boy days'. In such cases, I appreciate the effort but understand their limitations.

My colleagues and friends have also been supportive. My boss’ sister is trans and she has been understanding of my need for time off for recovery. My boss has already started using my new name, which shows a great deal of support and understanding.

The Role of Testosterone

The use of testosterone has added another layer of complexity to my transition. Without testosterone, I can pass reasonably well as male or androgynous, though my high pitch gives away my true gender when I speak. Attempting to deepen my voice just makes me sound like I have a cold. While top surgery alone might make me 100% happy, my voice remains a source of both joy and frustration. I am looking forward to the changes that testosterone will bring for the rest of my time after transitioning.

My diagnosis with transphobia is another ongoing challenge. I live in a very conservative state, hearing nearly daily transphobic remarks. This makes me stay indoors as much as possible to avoid confrontation. It has also led to some family members expressing dissatisfaction with my decision. The small circle of people I trust remain supportive, but the larger world is a different story.

Looking Forward

Ultimately, I believe my life would not have turned out much differently had I been cisgender. The changes have been more about personal growth and acceptance rather than drastic shifts in daily life. The lack of direct transphobia is a silver lining amidst the challenges. I continue to enjoy gaming, reading, and dreaming about the future, where I envision financial independence and a life with my boyfriend.

As I move forward, I remain hopeful and resilient. While the journey has its ups and downs, I am committed to living authentically and finding joy in each day.