Navigating Arguments with Borderline Personality Disorder: The Adult High Road

When confronted with a contradiction or dispute involving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), taking the adult high road and not responding can seem like a valuable strategy. However, it's essential to understand that individuals with BPD are not children; they are adults who often display erratic behaviors due to their condition. Treating them as such not only belittles them but also exacerbates their difficulties, causing further self-conflict and emotional distress.

The Impact of Mislabeling

It's crucial to recognize that behaviors that may seem child-like are symptomatic of BPD and not indicative of a person's true age or maturity level. If someone with BPD accuses you of being better or superior, it is understandable to feel upset and treated unfairly. Such instances of discrimination can be deeply hurtful and trigger defensive behaviors, including shutting down or walking away.

The Dangers of Circular Arguments

Engaging in arguments with an individual with BPD can often lead to a never-ending cycle of conversation with no resolution. Such interactions can be extremely frustrating and unproductive, with no rational thoughts or meaningful outcomes. Walking away from such arguments is often the best course of action, as it prevents further escalation and avoids getting trapped in a repeated pattern of unhelpful and repetitive exchanges.

The Aftermath of Non-Responses

Not responding to a person with BPD does not always mean they will immediately calm down. In fact, they may post the issue online and allege that you 'didn’t answer,' which is a feasible outcome. Even when someone walks away, it is common for them to either cool off or continue with this pattern, driven by their emotional dysregulation. This can make it seem like they are looking for attention and validation.

The Perception of Not Answering

The problem with not answering is that those who don’t have an understanding of BPD may attribute it to narcissistic behavior. They might assume that you didn't answer because you ignored them or wanted to dominate the situation, which is far from the truth. By not responding, you are likely trying to avoid emotional outbursts and maintain self-control. Furthermore, by walking away, you are not attacking them but rather trying to resolve the issue constructively without further escalation.

Understanding Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse, often coupled with BPD, includes verbal offenses, bullying, and constant criticism. It can also involve intimidation, shaming, and manipulation. The abuser may react forcefully to minor perceived faults of their partner, even when the partner has no intention of offending them. This type of behavior is not only hurtful but also abusive, and it is crucial to recognize it for what it is.

Seeking Solutions

While it might seem that there is no high road in such circumstances, resolving the issue through communication is the best approach. It's important to seek to understand the emotional state and triggers of the person with BPD and work towards a mutually beneficial solution. By engaging in healthy communication, you can help de-escalate the situation and promote a more constructive environment for both parties.