Addressing Abuse in Parental Relationships: A Guide for the Vulnerable

Taking Action if Your Mother is Abusive

If you are in a situation where your mother is abusive, it is crucial to take immediate and effective action. Staying silent or postponing the issue can only exacerbate the harm. Here are steps you can take to protect yourself:

Calling Law Enforcement

Consider advising someone you trust, such as a neighbor, friend, or your church, to report the abuse to the police. If your mother is abusive, the authorities are best equipped to handle the situation. Do not hesitate to call 911 or local emergency services if you feel in immediate danger.

Self-Validation and Resilience

As a 13-year-old with South Korean nationality and a Canadian citizen, you have the right to feel safe and respected. It is never your fault when someone tries to harm you, especially someone who is supposed to love and care for you. Be clear with yourself and others that you will not be invalidated by these individuals. Do not believe their manipulation and remember that they are not fit to be in your life.

Seeking Independence and Support

Building independence is key to breaking away from abusive relationships. Start by distancing yourself from the control your mother seeks to exert over your life. Make decisions that will help you grow and succeed, as these decisions will bolster your confidence.

Confronting an Abusive Mother

When speaking with your mother about her behavior, approach the conversation calmly and with the intention of change. Here are some steps to follow:

Having a Serious Conversation

Choose a private setting and sit your mother down. Express that you need to talk to her about your feelings and the impact of her actions on you. Clearly outline the issues and how they affect you emotionally. Request that she stops her negative behavior and explain that you are an adult who doesn't need or want her to control your life.

Staying Calm and Setting Boundaries

Remain calm during the conversation, even if she does not. If she becomes abusive, it is important to maintain your composure. Let her know that the conversation is over for now, but that you will resume it when she is calm and able to communicate rationally. Walk away if necessary. This will show her that you are serious and unwilling to tolerate her behavior.

Handling Verbal and Emotional Abuse

If the abuse does not involve physical harm, take steps to protect your mental and emotional well-being. For verbal attacks, try meditation to diminish the impact of the words. Focus on deep breathing and relaxing your muscles. Breathe out the pain with each exhale and let the hurtful words pass through you harmlessly.

Making Independent Decisions

Avoid allowing your mother to make decisions for you by considering the consequences of each action, rather than blindly following her wishes. Decide based on what you genuinely want, the potential outcomes, and the impact of adhering to or opposing those wishes. Even choosing to comply can be a step toward regaining control and honing decision-making skills.