How to Move On After a Self-Sabotaging Relationship

Dealing with the aftermath of a self-sabotaging relationship can be incredibly challenging, especially when you were the one who created the on-and-off dynamic. However, the journey to moving on is not just about letting go but also about breaking out of the patterns that led to the relationship's demise. This article explores the steps to follow for true healing and a brighter future ahead.

Why Professional Help Is Essential

At 21 years old, addressing self-sabotaging behavior is crucial. The advice starts with seeking professional help, such as a relationship therapist or counselor. Self-sabotage often stems from deeper emotional and psychological struggles. It is important to address these issues to prevent such patterns from recurring in future relationships. Therapy can provide the necessary tools and insights to understand and change harmful behavior.

Forgiving Yourself: The First Step to Healing

The hardest but most important step in moving on is to forgive yourself. It's essential to reflect on the situation and determine whether you've learned from your mistakes and want to change your behavior. If you can sincerely apologize and commit to change, you'll be well on your way to recovery. This self-forgiveness is the light at the end of the tunnel.

Finding Yourself: Defining Your Path in Life

After forgiving yourself, the next step is to find yourself. Take the time to discover who you are as an adult and what you want for your life. Consider your career goals, personal values, and aspirations:

What do you want to do with your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Who do you admire, and why? What are your life goals, and how will you achieve them? Are you willing to pay the price to get there?

Answering these questions helps you understand your priorities and what you truly desire.

Understanding What You Want in a Life Partner

Once you have a clearer sense of yourself, consider what kind of person you want to spend your life with:

What kind of person will they be? What kind of priorities will they have? Will the two of you have a large family, a small family, or no kids? Do you want to be a double-income household or will one stay home with the kids? Do you want to travel?

This introspection is crucial to finding a compatible partner. Ensure that you and your future partner share similar goals and dreams, making your relationship more fulfilling and lasting.

Creating Your Life and Future Relationships

Once you have a clear understanding of your goals and priorities, start creating your life according to those goals. This means actively working towards your dreams and ensuring that your life is in the direction you want it to go. When you have a clear path and goals, you can more easily find and form meaningful relationships. The goal is to no longer let life happen to you but to create it based on your own desires and visions.

Following this advice can help you move past the emotional pain caused by past relationships and pave the way for a healthier, more fulfilling future. Remember, true moving on involves not just letting go but transforming the way you approach relationships and life in general.