Moment of Silence: Why Speaking Up Matters

The power of silence is both a gift and a curse. It can be a tool for protection, as experienced by someone dealing with PTSD, but it can also be a hindrance to personal growth and the well-being of others. Moments of silence can be as impactful as the decisions we make, especially when it comes to speaking up.

The Groom's Room Dilemma: A Lesson in the Consequences of Silence

It was the first time I got married when I was 19, standing in the groom's room just outside the church sanctuary. We were all assembled, ready for the ceremony to begin. As the moment approached, I felt a critical mix of anticipation and horror. Instead of leading the pack, I froze. The groomsmen's insistence and the momentary flash of helplessness turned into a moment of action. One of them, feeling the need to break the ice and move things along, pushed me forward.

Yet, faced with the traditional marriage vows, I failed to speak up when questioned about any reasons why the marriage should not proceed. I chose to remain silent, leading to a future filled with regret. The moment of silence in the groom's room led to a dark chapter in my life, which ended in divorce just six months later.

The Long-Term Impact of Silence: Domestic Abuse

The choice to keep silent is not always based on the same level of urgency as standing up in a groom's room. Sometimes, it is deeply rooted in trauma. For 17 years, I endured abuse without speaking out. I knew there were signs of domestic violence, but I chose to keep it to myself. During those years, I paid the price for staying silent, not just for myself, but for our children as well.

Eventually, I decided to break the silence. I wrote a book titled Whose Life Is It Anyway: Recognising and Surviving Domestic Violence. This book is a compilation of diary entries and analyses of domestic violence, sharing my personal journey and providing support to others who may be in similar situations. My decision to speak out and break the silence has resonated with many, offering a sense of validation and hope to those who have been through the same.

Strategic Thinking and the Power of Saying No

For some, silence is a survival mechanism. After suffering from PTSD, I fell into a pattern of either fighting or freezing. Decades later, trauma counseling taught me to assert myself more effectively. I learned to strategically plan my actions to avoid being overwhelmed. This is not a simple task, especially in situations where others may not listen to my decisions.

Slowly, I developed a new approach to control situations by being assertive. Drawing on my skills in logistics, logic, and strategic thinking, I taught myself mental chess, a game that requires patience and foresight. While I never mastered real chess, the skills I developed have been invaluable in managing my triggers and staying safe. However, my main focus was on recognizing the importance of speaking up when necessary.

Conclusion: The Importance of Speaking Up

Silence can protect, but it can also hinder growth and well-being. Whether it's standing up during a wedding ceremony, facing domestic abuse, or surviving PTSD, the decision to speak up can lead to significant positive changes. It takes courage to break the silence, but the benefits can be immeasurable. Never underestimate the power of your voice, for it can change not only your life but also the lives of those around you.

Do you have a moment where you wish you spoke up or maybe didn't speak at all? Share your story and let us know how speaking up (or not) affected your life.