Misconceptions About Islam and Gender: A Counselor's Perspective

It is often misunderstood that Islam teaches women to be submissive to men, equating submission with servitude. This notion could not be further from the truth. In fact, the Quran and the teachings of Prophet Muhammad emphasize fairness, mutual respect, and equality in marital relationships. When properly understood, these teachings promote a balanced and harmonious way of life.

Historical Context

To truly grasp the Islamic teachings on marriage and gender roles, one must consider the historical context before the advent of Islam. Pre-Islamic Arabia was marked by significant societal disparities, where women faced substantial restrictions and lacked basic rights. The Quran aimed to address these imbalances, empowering women and recognizing their value as individuals and partners.

The Role of the Muslim Husband and Wife

In Islam, the husband is considered the provider and decision-maker of the household due to his role as the primary financier. However, this does not imply dominance over the wife. Instead, it reflects a system where the husband takes on the responsibility of supporting the family, while the wife plays a crucial role in managing the home and raising the children. The husband's primary role is to ensure that his wife is well taken care of and that their family lives in stability.

Submission vs. Service

When we talk about submission in Islam, it is not about servitude but about mutual understanding and support. A wife is encouraged to be obedient to her husband, but this obedience is rooted in respect and love. It is important to understand that submits means to follow the guidelines set by her husband, which he assumes as being faithful to the Quran.

It is indeed humorous to equate obedience with being a slave. When we compare this to modern society, obeying traffic laws does not make us slaves; it ensures a safe and orderly society. Similarly, obeying the law of the land and the rules within the family ensures a healthy and respectful relationship. The authority that the husband holds in the family is akin to the management of a company. Just as the CEO has the final say, the husband has the primary vote in significant household decisions.

Personal Growth and Independence

From a personal perspective, growing up as an independent woman, my parents always encouraged me to make my own choices and pursue my goals. I have always valued my freedom and had self-determination. After graduating from university and obtaining a home of my own, the decision to marry was not made lightly. I chose my husband based on shared values, mutual respect, and reciprocal understanding. Marriage in Islam is not about submission in the sense of being a subordinate but about support and cooperation.

I am not married out of blind obedience. Choosing to be a Muslim wife means understanding the principles and values of Islam. It does not mean losing oneself or becoming a slave. Rather, it involves willingly choosing to understand and respect the roles outlined by the religion, which ultimately leads to a partnership built on mutual respect and understanding.

Understanding the Quran and Prophetic Teachings

The teachings of Prophet Muhammad regarding women are numerous and highlight their rights and dignity. He advised husbands to treat their wives with kindness and respect, emphasizing that the best among you are those who are best to their wives. Understanding the full scope of these teachings helps one see the beauty in Islam, rather than focusing on isolated passages that might be misinterpreted or taken out of context.

There are many instances where women have found toxic relationships within non-Islamic contexts. The core issue often lies not with the religion but with the character of the individuals involved. Islam teaches that marriages should be based on mutual love, respect, and understanding. Adverse relationships can exist among people from any faith or background. The key is to educate oneself about the true teachings and values of Islam.

In conclusion, Islam is a religion that seeks to establish a balanced and fair society. Gender roles in Islam are not about servitude or submission but about mutual respect and cooperation. Understanding these teachings deeply can help dispel misconceptions and foster a more inclusive and empathetic understanding of Muslim women and their roles in society.