Can a Covert Narcissist Be Normal When He is with One Person But Show All Signs of the Disorder Towards Another?

Yes, a covert narcissist can exhibit different behaviors depending on the person they are with. Narcissistic traits such as self-centeredness, manipulation, and emotional withdrawal can manifest inconsistently, heavily influenced by the dynamics of the relationship, the perceived level of admiration or validation from others, and the narcissist's own needs and insecurities.

Contextual Behavior

Covert narcissists often adapt their behavior to fit the situation. They might appear more normal or even charming to individuals they want to impress or feel safe with, while showing more typical narcissistic traits such as self-centeredness, manipulation, or emotional withdrawal with those who do not fulfill their needs.

For example, a covert narcissist might praise and value neighbors, clients, or family members while criticizing and belittling their partner. This behavior can be seen as a strategic play to maintain control and manipulation of different individuals.

The Importance of Target Selection

The targets of a covert narcissist are often chosen based on how easily they can be manipulated or how much admiration they can gain. Covert narcissists choose their targets to fulfill their ego needs in various ways. With someone who offers validation or is less critical, they might show a more agreeable side, whereas they reveal their true nature to someone who challenges them or does not cater to their ego.

For instance, in the context shared by the individual, their partner criticizes and abuses them, while praising and valuing the neighbors, colleagues, and other family members. Each person in the covert narcissist's life plays a specific role in their scheme of control. This mirrored behavior is a facade that is maintained to some individuals.

Emotional Regulation and the Fear of Exposure

The ability to control emotions and behavior can vary widely among individuals with narcissistic traits. A covert narcissist may feel more secure and less threatened in familiar or less challenging relationships, leading to different presentations of their personality. In contrast, they may behave more defensively or exhibit classic narcissistic traits in environments where they feel scrutinized.

The fear of being exposed for their true selves is a significant factor. In environments where they feel more secure, like their private settings, a covert narcissist might mask their behaviors effectively. However, in public or scrutinized environments, their true nature may come to light.

Jekyll and Hyde Behavior of Covert Narcissists

Covert narcissists often display a doctor's acceptance, care, and respect in public while engaging in private abuse. This public versus private duality is a hallmark of covert narcissism, where they engage in hideous acts of control and manipulation. This behavior is not about caring for others; it's about maintaining control and ensuring they get what they want.

Covert narcissists are aware of their actions and do not feel the need to reflect or stop themselves. They know what they are doing and are emotionally detached from their actions. This lack of remorse or accountability can make the impact on their targets even more devastating.

Behavioral inconsistencies can be observed in different settings. For example, a covert narcissist might get abusive in the morning while maintaining friendly and polite interactions with others throughout the day. This behavior showcases the complexity of a covert narcissist's personality and how they can play each individual based on their needs.

Understanding the dynamics of covert narcissism and its impact is crucial for individuals who are dealing with or affected by it. Recognizing the different behavioral patterns and the fear of exposure can help in building a support system and seeking professional help.

Keywords: covert narcissism, emotional manipulation, behavior inconsistency