How to Care for Terminally Ill Parents at Home

Mr. John (pseudonym), a 60-something brother-in-law, has dedicated nearly five years to attending to his ailing father. Despite the heartache of watching his father slip into a more comfortable state on morphine due to hospice, the bond between them remains strong. His father, a kind and gentle man, was once a vibrant 96-year-old until an accidental hip fracture and subsequent dementia worsened his condition. John's unwavering dedication to his father at the rehabilitation hospital exemplifies the love and care one can provide at home.

The Devastation of Nursing Homes

John's experience mirrors the daily struggles faced by many children putting their elderly parents in nursing homes. Working in nursing homes for years, I can attest that the quality of care and the one-on-one time between a caregiver and an elderly resident is often lackluster. Comprising about three Certified Nurse Assistants (CNAs) for every 42 residents, the care provided in nursing homes is often impersonal and insufficient. In contrast, the one-on-one attention and personal care can only be offered at home.

Prioritizing Your Loved Ones at Home

For families considering the decision to place their parents in a nursing home, it is crucial to explore the possibilities of caring for them at home. If it is feasible, stopping working and bringing the parent into the home can result in a more fulfilling and supportive environment for both the parent and the caregiver. This approach allows for the kind of hands-on, continuous care that nursing homes often cannot offer.

Home Care Services and Equipment

To make home care feasible, it is essential to work closely with your parents' doctors to identify the appropriate home care services and equipment. Doctors often have valuable contacts in social services that can provide additional support. Consider the following:

Nursing Services: Arrange for professional in-home nursing care to ensure that medical needs are met. Assistive Devices: Acquire hospital beds with trapeze bars, bedpans, commodes, air mattresses, wheelchairs, and Hoyer lifts. Each item can significantly improve the quality of life for both the elderly parent and the caregiver. Social Services: Leverage social workers and community resources to manage the emotional and logistical challenges of caregiving.

The Importance of Continued Support

While providing care at home can offer a more personalized and supportive environment, it does not come without its challenges. The emotional and physical toll on the caregiver is immense. Therefore, it is important to seek support from community groups, support networks, and even professional counselors. Many communities offer respite care services that provide short-term care, allowing the primary caregiver to rest and recharge.

My brother-in-law, John, is a shining example of a devoted son, yet even he acknowledges the immense sacrifice he makes. The bond between a parent and child is unbreakable, and the right to choose the manner of care should be a personal one, made with love and care. Home-based care can often provide the best environment for terminally ill parents, ensuring they spend their final days in the comfort and love they deserve.