Can We Sense When a Narcissist is Thinking About Us After Being Discarded?

Dealing with a narcissist can be a deeply traumatic experience. Many survivors ask themselves, 'Can I sense when a narcissist is thinking about me after being discarded?' This question touches on the complex psychological dynamics that often form after such relationships. In this article, we will explore the concept of trauma bonding, cognitive dissonance, and narcissist discard to understand why we might still feel a connection despite being discarded.

Understanding Trauma Bonding and Cognitive Dissonance

Trauma bonding is a phenomenon where a person develops deep emotional ties with a toxic individual, despite repeated abuses and betrayals. This occurs due to the release of chemicals like oxytocin and adrenaline, which create both positive and negative emotional experiences. A cognitive dissonance often develops, where one simultaneously wants the relationship to end but also craves the intense emotions and attention it provides.

Object Constancy and the Narcissist’s Perspective

One key factor to consider is the concept of object constancy. Object constancy refers to the ability to maintain a consistent perception of self and others over time. While many individuals have object constancy, many narcissists lack it, meaning they may not feel that others are reliable, trustworthy, or consistent.

The article from Sam Vaknin titled 'The Narcissists Object Constancy' highlights that many narcissists do not feel that people are reliable, trustworthy, or constant. Without this, the concept of 'out of sight, out of mind' often applies, meaning that once a narcissist has discarded someone, they may not feel the need to think about them.

Patterns and Eerily Familiar Feelings

Even though the narcissist's discard means they are emotionally detached, we as survivors might notice patterns and feelings that suggest a lingering connection. Some survivors report feeling a hoover alarm, a subconscious mechanism that watches for signs of returning interest from their ex. These feelings can manifest as a premonition or a sense of dread.

For example, one might start checking emails and anticipating messages from their ex, or they might wake up a few minutes before an alarm goes off, sensing the time as if they had a premonition. These phenomena can be attributed to years of conditioned behavior, where the survivor has learned the patters in their ex's behavior.

The Role of Premonition and Soul Connection

Some survivors wonder if their feelings are due to premonition or soul connection, rather than patterns in their ex's behavior. While these ideas are intriguing, they are not supported by scientific evidence. Telepathy, while deemed possible by some scientists, is still a rudimentary concept and not a reliable means of communication.

Scientific research has shown that our emotions and behaviors are often influenced by psychological and biological factors, rather than supernatural phenomena. Nonetheless, the experience of feeling a connection to someone who has discarded us is a real and valid emotional experience, often rooted in our past experiences and conditioned responses.

Conclusion

Can we sense when a narcissist is thinking about us after being discarded? While there is no concrete evidence to support the idea of telepathy, the concept of trauma bonding, cognitive dissonance, and object constancy can help us understand that the lingering feelings might be due to patterns in our ex's behavior and past emotional connections. The emotional impact of a narcissist's discard is real, and understanding the psychological dynamics at play can provide some clarity and relief.

By recognizing these patterns and learning to manage our emotional responses, we can step towards healing and moving forward from the experience of being discarded by a narcissist.